


Absolute Beginners

by shessocold



Series: Hogwarts One Shots [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Best Friends, Bisexuality, Boys Kissing, Crushes, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Hogwarts, M/M, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Mutual Pining, References to David Bowie, References to Debbie Harry, Secret Crush, Sweet, Teen Romance, Teenagers, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-08
Updated: 2017-12-08
Packaged: 2019-02-12 04:08:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12950970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shessocold/pseuds/shessocold
Summary: Remus attempts a makeover.





	Absolute Beginners

For Remus, in a sense, it all starts with a picture.

The picture – static, a Muggle picture cut from a Muggle magazine Sirius must have bought in London over Christmas – is a close-up of two people, a man and a woman, both very good-looking. She's smiling, a perfect row of teeth on display, and he's staring at the camera. Remus, who isn't usually very good with details, notices that the man's eyes are different from each other. It looks slightly unsettling, but in a good way. 

“Who are these people?” he asks Sirius, who is doing his homework in bed. 

“Hmh?” 

“The people in the picture you hung on the wall.” 

“Oh, right. They're Muggle singers. Well, the woman is, the bloke's actually a wizard. But he moves in Muggle circles.” 

“She's super fit,” says Remus, truthfully, studying the Muggle woman's perfect face. 

“She is,” agrees Sirius, absent-mindedly sucking on his quill. “And I wouldn't kick him out of bed, either.” 

** 

The reason why it has taken him _so long_ to realize, Remus argues to himself, is probably mainly down to the fact that he's always liked girls just fine. He's had his fair share of crushes, he's gone through the normal sweaty, sticky 'girls have started growing tits' phase in their third year, he's even contributed to the decently sized stack of nudie magazines (both magical and Muggle) that is a treasured collective property of the Gryffindor male students. 

All in all, if not for Sirius' off-handed comments about the two Muggle singers, Remus could have gone his entire life without feeling the need to come to terms with the fact that there are blokes out there about whom he feels very much the same as he feels about the most attractive of girls. Case in point, Sirius himself. 

Privately, if he's being honest, Remus thinks that nobody who has eyes could look at Sirius and fail to notice how handsome he is, but he understands on a logical level that the way he feels about him is fundamentally different from the way that, say, James does. Not that Remus doesn't also feel _that_ way, of course. Sirius' friendship is so important to him that somewhere along the way, without ever consciously taking the issue into consideration, he has restricted his own thoughts about Sirius to the kind of thoughts he's positive he could share without Sirius getting weirded out, or offended. 

But now it turns out that Sirius, too, has the same kind of thoughts about other blokes. 

_Other_ blokes being the operative word, Remus reminds himself, sadly. The fact that Sirius apparently finds the man in the picture attractive, if one looks at it objectively, does not mean it is any more likely that he'd also find Remus attractive. The man – name of David Bowie, Sirius tells him, slightly puzzled by Remus' sudden fixation with his choice of wall decoration – has hair that looks like it could be about the same shade of brown as Remus', but that's it, as far as resemblances go. In a desperate move, Remus takes to combing his hair, trying to get it to lay flat in an approximation of Bowie's. 

** 

“Moony, what happened to you?” 

“Huh?” 

“Your hair,” says Sirius, staring at Remus' forehead over breakfast. “It's all wet, aren't you cold?” 

Sirius' tone is nice enough, if slightly concerned, but Remus feels mortified. 

“It's not wet,” he explains, addressing his bowl of porridge. “I put stuff in it to see if I could get it to lie flat.” 

“Oh, all right,” says Sirius, about as alarmed as if Remus had detailed an attempt to transfigure his hair into a bunch of tarantulas. “Any particular reason for it?” 

Remus shrugs. 

“I just wanted to try something new,” he says, trying his best to sound nonchalant. 

“Well, it looks pretty stupid,” offers James, through a mouthful of scrambled eggs. “I'm afraid some of us just aren't meant to do anything to our hair.” 

“It was an experiment, OK?” snaps Remus, trying to decide if he has time to fix it before class. “Let's talk about something else.” 

** 

“Is it for a girl?” 

“What?” 

“Your new hairstyle,” whispers Sirius, conspiratorially, from the other side of the cauldron. “Is there a girl you're trying to impress?” 

Remus looks at his friend's handsome face - the sharp jaw, the straight brows, the way his dark hair falls effortlessly over his beautiful eyes. _There is no way he could possibly fancy me back_ , he thinks, his heart contracting painfully. 

“Something like that, yeah," he mutters. 

Sirius gets a funny expression on his face, just for a second. 

“Prongs is right, though, you know?” he says eventually. “You do look a lot nicer with your regular hair.” 

** 

And just like that, Remus abandons his half-formed seduction plans. Sirius has been very nice, he thinks, very diplomatic in his takedown of Remus' pathetic attempts to look... cooler? More handsome? Remus himself isn't sure: all he wanted to do was make himself more like what Sirius apparently likes, which is embarassing enough a pursuit once you spell it out. Thankfully, none of the other boys has mentioned the hair slicking incident again, so Remus is free to try setting his unwelcomed feelings for Sirius aside and just go back to normal life. He figures in time the sting of humiliation will subside. 

Sometimes, when he lies awake at night and goes over all of the day's interactions with Sirius, Remus gets the feeling that his friend has started acting slightly cooler towards him. He tries to talk himself into putting it down to paranoia, tries to convince himself that Sirius couldn't possibly _know_ , but it is actually pretty undeniable that Sirius has been a lot less physical towards him than he used to be. _Is it the scars?_ , Remus wonders, running his fingers over the marks on his forearms. _But they never used to bother him. Is it my acne? Do I_ smell _?_

But then Sirius never has any problems hugging post-Quidditch match James, no matter how sweaty or covered in mud James might be, so the problem has to be Remus himself: Sirius can probably sense his desperation, and it disgusts him (rightly so). Remus wishes he could either go back to the previous, neutral, affectionate state of their friendship, or just quietly walk into the lake and never have to deal with the current situation again. The whole situation is extremely frustrating. 

Speaking of frustrating, Remus has had to completely give up his normal solitary late night activities, lest Sirius hears something and demands to have him expelled, or publicly shamed, or something. So now he just lies there, perfectly still, acutely aware of the fact that Sirius is sleeping just a few feet away, trying very hard not to imagine how it would feel like to share a bed with him, desperately wishing he could stop feeling the way he feels, doing his best to fall asleep as soon as possible. 

** 

“Moony?” 

Sirius' voice is low but clear, perfectly audible over James' snoring. It takes Remus a second to realize that he isn't dreaming. 

“Remus?” calls Sirius again, before Remus has had the time to answer. “Are you awake?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Can I talk to you about something?” 

“Now?” 

“Yeah,” said Sirius, sounding quite unsure. “Can I come over to your bed?” 

“I, er, alright. Sure,” says Remus, blushing scarlet in the darkness. “Wait a second,” he adds, reaching for his dressing gown. “Ok, you can come now.” 

A few steps, the curtains parting, a shifting of the mattress: Sirius is there on Remus' bed, just like Remus has tried to prevent himself from fantasizing about endless times. 

“Hi,” Sirius whispers. “Thank you.” 

“You're welcome,” replies Remus, automatically, and then, trying very hard to sound normal, “what did you want to talk about?” 

Sirius is silent for a while. 

“What would you do if you fancied someone, but you were sure that they would never like you back? Would you tell them anyway?” he says eventually, in a very quiet voice. “Or would you just try to forget about it?” 

Remus, longing for the sweet relief of death, wonders if Sirius can feel the heat radiating from his blazing cheeks. 

“I don't think there's anyone out there who could possibly not like you back,” he says, truthfully. “So you should definitely tell this person how you feel,” he adds, trying not to think about how seeing Sirius with someone else might make him feel. _Maybe it will snap me out of it_ , he tells himself, _maybe it's what I need to go back to just being Sirius' mate_. 

“Do you really think so?” said Sirius, sounding skeptical. 

“Yeah. Of course. You're a laugh and you're handsome and you're just an all-around great person, so–” 

“Wait,” says Sirius. “Did you say that you think I'm _handsome_?” 

“Of course you are, what kind of question is that.” 

“Oh,” says Sirius, in a funny voice. “Thank you. You are too, you know. Very handsome.” 

“ _What?_ ” 

“I said you are too. The most handsome person I've ever met, if you must know.” 

_Ok, so this is_ definitely _a dream_ , thinks Remus, _so I might as well act on it_. He reaches out in the dark and finds Sirius' hand. It's a bit clammy. He squeezes it, heart thumping in his throat. 

“Sirius?” he says, bolder than he has ever felt before. “Remember when you asked me if I was trying to impress some girl? There's no girl. It's you I fancy. I'm sorry if this is awkward, I hope it doesn't ruin– ” 

“I like you too,” says Sirius, urgently. “I've liked you for years! Merlin's beard, Remus, I can't believe you feel the same. I thought you were into girls?” 

“Well, yes, I am. But I guess I like both? I like girls, and I _definitely_ like you, at least. And by the way, I thought the same about you, until that time you said you fancied the bloke in that picture you have on your wall, and so I thought maybe I had a chance... well, it was a stupid plan. I tried to look like him so you would like me more, and I made a fool of myself. No wonder you started avoiding me.” 

“Moony, you're _ten times_ better looking than Bowie,” says Sirius, affronted. "And you didn't make a fool of yourself, at all. I was just... I was _jealous_. You said that you liked someone, and I kept bracing myself for the sight of you hand in hand with some girl, and it was torture trying to act normally. I'm afraid I was a lousy friend these past few weeks, wasn't I? I'm so sorry.” 

“No, hey, don't be! You were brilliant. You're always brilliant. You're the best person I know,” said Remus, earnestly. Sirius's only reply is a small, happy sound. They sit there in the dark, very purposefully holding each other's hands. A few minutes go by, the sound of their heartbeats almost audible over James' sustained snoring. 

“Moony,” says Sirius eventually, his voice barely a whisper. “Can I kiss you now?” 

Remus doesn't bother with a verbal answer. 

**Author's Note:**

> Of course Bowie was a wizard.


End file.
